Style Conversational: Inside information on the word-in-word contest The Style Invitational Empress discusses the week’s new contest and results By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // July 23, 2015 The not totally forgotten Czar of The Style Invitational had been pestering me since May to do another “air quotes” contest. “I always loved that, because of its purity,” he recalled wistfully (he’s always wisting all over the place). “It’s like anagrams, in that you are simply using what is there.” Well, that’s not totally true, since this contest has always asked for a definition or description to go with the word-inside-word, and that’s often what won the ink. (See Jonathan Paul’s definition of “h‘airball’ ” below.) But it’s emphatically true that the four previous installments of this contest have yielded big steaming vats of great ink, and I’m confident there will be at least a few dozen blots more in Week 1134. I don’t want to repeat past jokes, of course, so if you’re going to enter, take a few minutes to read the results in the links below — not exactly a punishment, in my book. Since each week’s column begins with the announcement of the new contest, just scroll down to see the results. The links are to text files on Loser Elden Carnahan’s uber-useful Master Contest List and won’t count against The Post’s paywall, or monthly limit of free articles. *Week 336 (aka Week III), February 2000* . [After the Invitational went on hiatus in the summer of 1999, the Czar brought it back early in 2000 with a Roman-numeral system. This lasted for CLXII weeks, passing through weeks like CXLVIII, until in March 2003 the Czar regained his senses and resumed with Week 496, which was indeed the 496th contest. Elden sensibly went back and gave Arabic numbers to the Roman weeks.] *Week 405 (Week LXXII), June 2001 * *Week 826, August 2009* *Week 1031, July 2013 * For those not inclined to read over those contests, here’s a sampling of the “above the fold” winners and some honorable mentions: As always, you may send in the same word as long as your own description is a totally different joke from the one that’s already inked. */From Week 1031: / * Linke“din”: A thousand .connection requests from people you’ve never heard of. (Mike Gips) M“ale”: What’s inside a guy after a night of too much drinking; fe“male”: What’s inside a girl after a night of too much drinking. (Lela Martin) [I received a complaint about this entry, charging that I thought rape was funny.] Compe“nsa”tion: Fringe benefit entitling one to a multiweek stay at the Moscow airport. . (Yuki Henninger) B“eh”ind: An unimpressive posterior. (Denise Sudell) Au“tomato”n: She looked so hot yet turned out so cold. (Mae Scanlan) */From Week 826: / * Che“mother”apy: When I was a kid, it was cod liver oil and Vicks VapoRub. (Mike Ostapiej) AdChoices ADVERTISING Misc“once”ption: The myth that you can’t knock up your girlfriend the first time you have sex. (Lois Douthitt) Casan“ova”: A guy who leaves a trail of unwed mothers. (Tom Witte) Mi“shear”d: Wait, you said you wanted your hair to look like /Jessica /Simpson’s? (Erik Wennstrom) ‘Alas”ka: A state of regret. -- J. McCain, 16 Blocks Down Pennsylvania Avenue (Jeff Hazle; Brendan Beary) Ab“dome”n: The six-pack 20 years later. (Wayne Rodgers; Mae Scanlan) Dissem“bling”: Why would you think they’re not real diamonds? (Pam Sweeney) */From Week 405: / * M“ick” Jagger: A 60-year-old in spandex. (Russell Beland) T“rent” Lott: A politician who has not entirely sold out. (Mary Lou French; Ted Einstein) S“laughter”: Stop! You’re killing me! (Elden Carnahan, Laurel) Con“nip”tion: What Secret Service agents throw if you have just one teensy-weensy little drinky-poo. — Jenna and Barbara B., Austin (Jennifer Hart) H“airball”: What you throw up when you are choking. (Jonathan Paul) Di“agnostic”ian: This doctor is just not sure what you’ve got. (Steve Fahey) Hu“bris”: The belief that one is a cut above everyone else. (Chris Doyle) [Chris has a long list of inking bris jokes.] Ca“nada”: A place where there is nothing to do. (Tom Witte) */Week 336: / * “Linger”ie: The tendency of men to spend hours lovingly perusing each page of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. (Jennifer Hart) Ap“petite”: A ravenous desire for celery; see Bulimic. (Mary Lou French) A“bra”cada“bra”--That magical way a woman can somehow remove her underwear without removing her outer clothes. (Tom Witte) C“hick”en: Squirrel. (Will Cramer) Drug “DEA”ling: Selling coke to the nice young white guy in the suit. (Elden Carnahan) Dis“man”tling: The process by which a newly divorced woman removes all traces of her ex from her home. (T.J. Murphy) Pan“icky”: -How one feels after accidentally ingesting too much Olestra. (Meg Sullivan) Inaugu“rat”ion: The exchange of one varmint for another. (Tom Witte) ---- If there’s any particular technique that runs through those four sets of results (besides being funny), it’s that the entries tend to be especially fun when the interior word, by itself, is pronounced differently from the same letters in the larger word. That’s because of our general Delayed Gratification Rule of Humor: If it takes your brain a second longer to process a joke, that little bit of “work” increases the humor payoff. *QUEL DUMMAGE!* THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1130 * /*A non-inking entry by Kevin Dopart / Speaking of running contests all over again without changing the parameters, because you know there’s just still so much out there: Lots of good stuff to choose from among the 1,700 or so puns on foreign terms that came in for Week 1130, and lots of room to run such short-form answers; all this week’s entries will appear in the print paper as well as online. All the links on the puns should lead you to definitions of the original terms; there are also a few explanations of the entries themselves, as for “In MoCo parentis,” Stephen Dudzik’s zinger at a much talked about local issue . “ ’Sup du jour” is the fourth win and the 15th ink above the fold from Bird Waring (official Loser Anagram: Grr! I Win Bad) of the New York area, who’s been getting ink since Week 455. This gives Bird — I don’t know why he’s called that — his 143rd ink in all. Stephen Dudzik is one of a very small group of Losers who’ve gotten ink in every one of the Invitational’s 23 years of existence — he started in Week 7; he’s now up to Ink 526, with 58 of them winners or runners-up. Stephen might be the only Loser to invite a group of other Losers to his wedding; I saw photos of several Losers wearing something other than silly T-shirts during Steve’s nuptials to Lequan in 2000. Nan Reiner, who’s keeping an eye on her mom in Florida, ends up in the Losers’ Circle yet again, as does Neal Starkman of our Seattle Bureau. They’ll both let me know if they’d like the Loser Mug, the Grossery Bag or a vintage Loser T-shirt. *Laugh Out of Courtney: * Copy chief Courtney Rukan wrote me to say that “all four top entries are great” — who am I to argue? She also especially liked Chris Doyle’s “Honorable Menschen (and Frauen) ” subhed, along with”singling out” about a dozen others: Liberté, égalité, maternité (Stephen Gold); Choreigami (Ben Aronin, Washington); Jindalaya. (Frank Osen); Non compost mentis (Danielle Nowlin); Persona non gratuity (Jim Stiles); Ladenfreude (Amy Harris); Rigor Morris (Jeff Contompasis); Coup de grass . (Marni Penning Coleman); La dolce feta (Sylvia Betts) Sheik semper tyrannis (John O’Byrne) Nom de fume (Pam Sweeney; Larry Neal) Pox populi (Jeff Contompasis) (“This one is particularly funny!”); Lardi Gras (Rob Huffman); Tardi Gras (John Glenn); and Tannenbomb (Emily Davis) *ANOTHER SIDE OF GETTYSBURG: LOSER BRUNCH, SUNDAY. AUG. 18* The annual after-lunch tour of the Gettysburg battlefields will change direction this week to focus more on the town — which the Losers who make the day trip never seem to have time to see. Loser Roger Dalrymple, who lives in Gettysburg and is an experience tour guide, posted this this morning on the Style Invitational Devotees page on Facebook: “Did you know that on Aug. 16 at noon we will dine atO’Rorke’s Eatery and Spirits at 44 Steinwehr Ave., which is at the south end of Gettysburg? ... Afterwards we will be conducting our 6th (i think) bombastic tour of battle-related stuff; this time we’ll be walking through the borough and visiting the college, the train station where Lincoln arrived for the dedication of the new Soldiers Cemetery, the Wills House, etc. You can RSVP to either myself or Elden. Hope to see you here!” Do RSVP to Elden atthis page on the Loser website; though it’s still advertising last weekend’s brunch, it will be updated soon. In past years we’ve managed to carpool; ask Elden.